Psychology 200 – Week 7 Reflective
Blog
I found several topics of interest
in this week’s studies. The article by Walter Kirn and his review of the
research and studies by Judith Wallerstein were of interest. She was very
emphatic about persons staying together.
Interestingly enough, I am from the
Marin County area, and the idea back in the 1960’s-1970’s was very different than
the Topeka, Kansas, where Wallerstein was from. I liked how the article
addressed the fact that children were not dealing well with divorce. Also that
bouncing back, as some claimed, was really not what was happening. What
happened then with the “Divorce Movement”, be happy, and please yourself, the kids
were not bouncing back as was the idea being tossed around at the time. The
mass exodus from marriages was creating children who couldn’t sleep, aggressive
toddlers, and there was no research about any of it.
Since I was one of those “child
statistics” it saddens me that there were experts actually supporting this
movement. Even the experts stating emphatically those children, referring to
ones from divorced homes, bounce back actually throttles me. What transpired
through that era had a dramatic and devastating long lasting effect on that
generation of children. The idea in itself was a very selfish way to look at
parenting in my opinion.
Personally I was devastated a number
of times as my Mother moved in and out of relationships. It was as if they were
hers to dispose of. Maybe this is why I tried to hold on to both of mine, even
to the point of unhealthy horrific consequences. I can say to be a child of
divorce is horrible. I also know that to be in an abusive relationship is
horrible.
It would be nice if somehow as a
culture we could put more value and teaching on relationships in general. It
seems that cross culturally the U.S. is one country who totally misses the bus
on this subject. If we could begin at an early age to teach in our communities
via school, media programming or even model mentors it would be to our
advantage as a culture. It seems too many times we have missed the mark, and in
our path have left countless people with identity loss issues, mental illness
and a host of other mental in capacities.
Unfortunate it is indeed, that our
“advanced society” seems to have lost the art of what does it really mean to
have a healthy fulfilling long lasting relationship. There are those relationships
out there, which really work well, and that warms my heart to the core. It
seems so right though that we should be leading the charge in this difficult
facet of our generation. Wouldn’t it be nice, if somehow we could just get the
whole idea of understanding ourselves, and others more spot on than ever
before?
Hi Tami :)
ReplyDeleteCan you believe that I actually wanted my parents to get a divorce, as a child/teen? I find it completely selfish now, but I just wanted the arguing to stop. I remember that one week I was more supportive of my mom, and the next I was all about my dad.
I think divorce is granted for any reason nowadays, and when it should really only be reserved for when one party is truly mentally ill and causing the other harm; or domestic violence; or unfaithfulness (or there really are lots of other reasons); but divorce should be refused for people whom counselors might deem fit for each other or ones that haven't even tried to make the marriage worse. You said you were from a home of a single parent....were you in touch with your dad at all? I believe that some divorced couples with children might actually benefit their children, but I would imagine that would take the same or more amount of work to keep things running smoothly.....
I am certainly inexperienced with relationships in general though...
Hi Joann,
ReplyDeleteI wish I would have seen this post sooner : ) ! I just responded to your blog post for this week.
I totally get what you are saying, and yes I did see my Dad. It was the every other weekend and holidays visit, so it was almost more like visiting, and not going home. I could go into lots more detail, but unfortunately I am out of time. I did stay in a relationship of D.V. for 10 years. I left 3 times. I am legally separated currently. We saw 8 counselors in that time period. The thing person usually doesn't know, or understand (like I didn't), is that Domestic Violence raises the issue of divorce to a whole new level. There are specific traits, tenancies if you will that an abuser has. Anyways, that is a research paper in and of itself! Which I am NOT DOING. Have a great week Joanna, and thank you so much for your response! Love it ; ) !
Tami