Psych 200 Final Blog Post Fall 2014- Death and Dieing

For my last post to this blog, for this class, I was struck by death and dying. I began thinking about numerous ideas; a to do list, a bucket list and some formal matters. I actually got very sad while thinking about my life, and history. Have I done a good job of passing on the generativity? Have I tapped into all 9 of my intelligences which Erikson has shared with us? Will my family be by my side when I pass? How will I die? Will I need to consider assisted suicide? What does it really mean to die with dignity? Alas, too many questions for this blog.

 I can relate to dealing with the death of a parent. I have lost both of mine. Experiencing the death of my father was more difficult than my mom.  As I read through the piece about the man who lost his dad, by Mark Slouka, I could relate to some of what he had to say. Especially the part about forgetting you can’t call or see your dad. I wasn’t close to my father, but I was able to say my goodbyes. He was at deaths door. At the hospice center. I called and the nurse put the phone up to his head. I told him I loved him. I began to recite psalm 23 from the Bible. Unfortunately I was hung up on. Not by my Dad. I understood he was unable to move at that point. I suppose it was a nurse. My step mom was at home, in her bed. We had two very different ways of handling a loved ones death. Me wishing I could be there. Her, waiting at home, through the night. Waiting for him to die, alone while she was at home. I think I am angry about that. Now that I am writing the story.

I can appreciate what the article Nobody’s Son said. I am Nobody’s daughter. Both my parents are gone (I didn’t want to use the word dead). That is so like society. Not wanting to use the word “death”. As if you will get a disease if you do.

 Moving on to the subject of should I lie to my child or tell her the truth? As referenced when some dies. Our text book says, and other articles,  that being truthful with children and not lying about a loved one’s passing is the best way to go (no pun intended). I believe that the “untruth” can be more damaging than the truth.

It was interesting for me to know that there was an actual theory attached to the stages of dying. I had heard and experienced them (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) as people I have cared about died. I have also experienced these same set of emotions in other situations. Divorce is an example of one.

 All in all, none of this is pleasant. This last phase of life was hard for me to look at. Because I am older? Probably. None the less, old or not, I still found no pleasure in thinking about more death. So it is at the end, we are known by what we did, or did not do. My hope is that I will truly be remembered in so much positive, that any negative will only be a faint memory.

Tami

Psch 200 Blog reflection Week 9 2014

The programmed cell death theory I would have never thought of this one.   Apparently four scientists did and as recent as only 2007 (p 520). This research and the dementia research really interested me. I would love to dig into this more on a personal level. Reason being is from experience with my mother having severe dementia at her death this year. For this reason for years I have found any information about hereditary DNA, free radicals and any organic measures associated with the brain highly fascinating. There was also information on free radicals and research which I thought “cool”, this stuff is prominent enough to put into a college text book. I had always heard that this “idea” of purging our bodies of free radicals was not scientifically proven. This is one of the issues I have with western medicine. The hardcore all or nothing western medicine or the beautiful balance between holistic what we know works, and western medicine. I appreciate the dance between the two medical communities.

With so many theories available to us during this time in our lives we have so much is offered. The research and continued experiments with the human brain throughout our lifespan is something we can and should all give high regard to. We should not take any of what we have learned for granted, but cherish it as a treasure of memories from which we can pull as we pursue our life dreams. Really great information this week! Loved it.

Tami ; )

Psych 200 Week 8 Personal thoughts

After reading several articles, listening to podcasts, I preface this blog by the fact that I have been in what is considered to be “mid-life” for 13 years now.  Be that as it may, I can agree with some things. As for other statements of “fact”, or “research” I am not part of those statistics.

With regards to the article by Andrew Solomon, I cannot get behind a lot of what Senior discuses in her book, All Joy and No Fun.  Either Solomon did a poor review, or I do not see Seniors’ point as being true. She states in her book that “for the child’s sake and the child’s alone. Parents no longer raise children for the family’s sake or that of the broader world.” For me, that has not been my own personal experience. That is not what I have done, or continue to do. Additionally I do not always see this to be true. I feel the article just bounced around and didn’t pick up my interest for the story. I was disappointed.

The midlife myths were decent information. I could relate to some of the information, but for me life has not been the “norm” according to this article. Gallagher states “the data show that middle age is the very best time in life,” according to Ronald Kessler sociologist, and MIDMAC (University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research) fellow. He goes on to say “When looking at the total U.S. population, the best year is 50. You don’t have to deal with the aches and pains of old age or the anxieties of youth: Is anyone going to love me? Will I ever get my career off the ground? He continues to state why research says that this is the best time in one’s life. I suppose for some this is true. I find it difficult to believe that this research speaks for most.

I can see where this information would be more positive for persons as opposed to the “Myths” discussed in the article. It is good to note that the overwhelming majority of people, surveys show, accomplish the task of coming to terms with the realities of middle age through a long, gentle process-not an acute, painful crisis (Midlife Myths article).  I agree that many positives come from being mid-life.

Some positives are mastering experiences, going back to school, choosing what a person wants to do as opposed to “having to” do, and enjoying time doing what “you” want to do.  If I had the time, or dollars, it would be interesting to dig a bit deeper into the concepts and ideas of midlife. I like the term Erikson gives us “generativity”. I like to think that for me personally I value the idea, and would like to be remembered as being someone who truly cares about every generation.

Psychology 200 - Week 7 Reflective Blog

Psychology 200 – Week 7 Reflective Blog

I found several topics of interest in this week’s studies. The article by Walter Kirn and his review of the research and studies by Judith Wallerstein were of interest. She was very emphatic about persons staying together.

Interestingly enough, I am from the Marin County area, and the idea back in the 1960’s-1970’s was very different than the Topeka, Kansas, where Wallerstein was from. I liked how the article addressed the fact that children were not dealing well with divorce. Also that bouncing back, as some claimed, was really not what was happening. What happened then with the “Divorce Movement”, be happy, and  please yourself, the kids were not bouncing back as was the idea being tossed around at the time. The mass exodus from marriages was creating children who couldn’t sleep, aggressive toddlers, and there was no research about any of it.

Since I was one of those “child statistics” it saddens me that there were experts actually supporting this movement. Even the experts stating emphatically those children, referring to ones from divorced homes, bounce back actually throttles me. What transpired through that era had a dramatic and devastating long lasting effect on that generation of children. The idea in itself was a very selfish way to look at parenting in my opinion.

Personally I was devastated a number of times as my Mother moved in and out of relationships. It was as if they were hers to dispose of. Maybe this is why I tried to hold on to both of mine, even to the point of unhealthy horrific consequences. I can say to be a child of divorce is horrible. I also know that to be in an abusive relationship is horrible. 

It would be nice if somehow as a culture we could put more value and teaching on relationships in general. It seems that cross culturally the U.S. is one country who totally misses the bus on this subject. If we could begin at an early age to teach in our communities via school, media programming or even model mentors it would be to our advantage as a culture. It seems too many times we have missed the mark, and in our path have left countless people with identity loss issues, mental illness and a host of other mental in capacities.

Unfortunate it is indeed, that our “advanced society” seems to have lost the art of what does it really mean to have a healthy fulfilling long lasting relationship. There are those relationships out there, which really work well, and that warms my heart to the core. It seems so right though that we should be leading the charge in this difficult facet of our generation. Wouldn’t it be nice, if somehow we could just get the whole idea of understanding ourselves, and others more spot on than ever before?