Psych 200 Final Blog Post Fall 2014- Death and Dieing

For my last post to this blog, for this class, I was struck by death and dying. I began thinking about numerous ideas; a to do list, a bucket list and some formal matters. I actually got very sad while thinking about my life, and history. Have I done a good job of passing on the generativity? Have I tapped into all 9 of my intelligences which Erikson has shared with us? Will my family be by my side when I pass? How will I die? Will I need to consider assisted suicide? What does it really mean to die with dignity? Alas, too many questions for this blog.

 I can relate to dealing with the death of a parent. I have lost both of mine. Experiencing the death of my father was more difficult than my mom.  As I read through the piece about the man who lost his dad, by Mark Slouka, I could relate to some of what he had to say. Especially the part about forgetting you can’t call or see your dad. I wasn’t close to my father, but I was able to say my goodbyes. He was at deaths door. At the hospice center. I called and the nurse put the phone up to his head. I told him I loved him. I began to recite psalm 23 from the Bible. Unfortunately I was hung up on. Not by my Dad. I understood he was unable to move at that point. I suppose it was a nurse. My step mom was at home, in her bed. We had two very different ways of handling a loved ones death. Me wishing I could be there. Her, waiting at home, through the night. Waiting for him to die, alone while she was at home. I think I am angry about that. Now that I am writing the story.

I can appreciate what the article Nobody’s Son said. I am Nobody’s daughter. Both my parents are gone (I didn’t want to use the word dead). That is so like society. Not wanting to use the word “death”. As if you will get a disease if you do.

 Moving on to the subject of should I lie to my child or tell her the truth? As referenced when some dies. Our text book says, and other articles,  that being truthful with children and not lying about a loved one’s passing is the best way to go (no pun intended). I believe that the “untruth” can be more damaging than the truth.

It was interesting for me to know that there was an actual theory attached to the stages of dying. I had heard and experienced them (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) as people I have cared about died. I have also experienced these same set of emotions in other situations. Divorce is an example of one.

 All in all, none of this is pleasant. This last phase of life was hard for me to look at. Because I am older? Probably. None the less, old or not, I still found no pleasure in thinking about more death. So it is at the end, we are known by what we did, or did not do. My hope is that I will truly be remembered in so much positive, that any negative will only be a faint memory.

Tami